Falling Stars
by CrazyGirl1999
Summary: The talk Emily and Paige should've had after the bathroom scene in 4x23.


Falling Stars

_You played me.  
You got your revenge on Alison._

God, those words just won't get out of my head, did she really think that that all I was thinking when I wrote that note to the police. Her words stung inside of me. No, no I'm done moping; I'm done feeling guilty for something if I had the choice I would do all over again. It's time to clear things up, tonight I'm going to lay it all there. Tonight I'm going to be brave; tonight I'm going to take a walk on the wild side.  
With one last look at the mirror I start heading out, hoping against hope that she at least won't slam the door shut in my face.

_Deep breaths McCullers, you can totally do this. _With a shaky hand I finally gather my courage and knock on the door. This sure is won't be easy. I hear footsteps on the other side and I feel all my resolve seeping out of me. This is it, it's either now or never.

The door opens and there she is standing before me and a 'Hey' was all I could pronounce, I felt all the blood drain from my face when I saw the look she gave me, I saw the anger flaring in her black eyes, I saw disappointment and I saw the hurt and it pains me so much to see that I've done that.

"What?" her tone was harsh and I know I deserved that.

"Can you please listen to me this time?" I was looking everywhere but her I wouldn't be able to compose myself if I look at her, I wouldn't be able to stop my eyes from roaming her body.

"Listen to you? Why? So I could hear more lies and excuses?"

"No, no more excuses, no more anything just…" I trailed off struggling to find my words. _It's now or never. _I kept reminding myself.

"Well?" Emily sighed impatiently.

"I thought hard about what you said to me in the bathroom earlier today, about the reasons you concluded for my actions and I had an epiphany. Alison was never on my mind when I thought of writing that note, she wasn't even one of the reasons Em, and she never even crossed my mind at that time-"

"Then why did you do it Paige? Why?" The raven-haired beauty spat harshly, the hurt and betrayal she felt evident in her voice.

I stepped closer to her and with every step; I could feel my heart breaking. Did she not know me at all after all this time we spent together? We were standing mere inches apart, our breaths mingling.

"God Emily! Are you that oblivious to my reasons?" I said, my voice faltering trying to keep my tears at bay.

I cupped her face forcing her to look me in the eyes, our foreheads pressed together, I urged myself to keep talking while she was still listening:

"I did it because…" And now I'm going to surrender to the tears, to the placebo of my thoughts that I tried to conceal deep down. I'm surrendering to her.

"Because… I would rather you hate me for the rest of your life than see you get hurt. Because I would rather see you happy even if it meant letting go of you, even if it meant you being happy with someone else." Speaking was getting hard with all the sobs and tears escaping from both of us but I'm not finished, not yet.

"Because I would rather die a thousand times a day if it meant keeping you safe-"

"Stop. Please don't say that." She interrupted my confession, her voice cracking, softening the impact of my words hitting her, hard. She pressed me closer to her; she tightened her grip around my waist and I hugged her, clinging for dear life.

"Because I'm selfish that way Emily. Because I would welcome that selfish pain with open arms anytime if it meant you'll be safe." I whispered to her.

"I'm so sorry." She finally whispered back. "Sorry for ever doubting you. Sorry for what I said earlier, I know it was harsh coming from me especially after all the things you've been through. I really do love you so much, you know that don't you?" her grip tightened even more if that was possible.

I sighed, knowing that what I'm going to say would hurt her and I hated being the one who had to cause it all over again.

"I love you too but…" Her knee-jerk reaction was a stab in the chest.

"But? But what Paige?" I tried to reach her willing to calm her down to calm her down but with every step I took forward she took a step backwards. I huffed in defeat.

"But we can't keep going on like this Em. You clearly don't trust me enough or don't trust me at all, and I broke your trust. And I can't always be your second choice not when you are always my first, _always_." I took a step closer tentatively.

"You need to figure out this thing with Alison whatever this thing is and when you do, if you still want me I'll be here waiting." I stood in front of her, I raised her chin and wiped her tears but she still averted her eyes.

"Don't I always." I said chuckling. There was no reaction from her. "Em look at me, please." When she finally did, I resumed:

"I will always be here, whenever you someone to talk to about anything, just give me a call or come by to my house. Okay?"

"Okay. Paige it's not that I didn't trust you, I never told you about Alison for the same reasons you wrote that note to the police, because I want you to be safe, because I can't lose another lover, not you , I wouldn't be able to handle it." Tears fell freely down her cheeks.

"Promise me you'll be waiting when I sort this mess, please." She said between sobs and I pulled her for a hug.

"I promise, we can rebuild our relationship after all of this is over if you still want that." I whispered, faltering.

I pulled back, leaned in for what could be our last kiss. I could taste salt on her soft lips. The kiss was soft lingering. I tried savoring everything I could; I might not have another chance to do so. I kiss her forehead and turn to go preparing myself for another wave of tears to spill.

After a few steps, I turn around and shout to her rigid figure:

"We're falling stars Emily." My heart shattering at how broken she looks. I resist the urge to go running to her, to comfort her.

"What does that mean Paige?"

"I'll tell you on our next date." I say as cheerfully as I can.

Yes we are falling stars for now, I strongly believe so. I strongly believe that after all this mess clears out, if we survive the impact of falling we'll become meteorite and our relationship will be as strong and as solid it'll ever be. I refuse to think of the alternative, I refuse to think we'll end up dead stars because when a star dies it turns into a black hole that sucks everything into it. I refuse to think that we'll become toxic.


End file.
